The mind is a tricky place filled with mind traps/stories that we have been telling ourselves during our lifetime. If we are to heal our minds, we must be mindful of our stories. We have discussed this before stories and thoughts are synonymous. The Buddhists call this the monkey mind because the mind keeps jumping around from one memory in our past to another like the monkeys jumping from branch to branch in the trees. We try to convince ourselves the thoughts/stories are true. Furthermore, we become so trapped in our own minds and in our circumstances and we cannot seem to find a way out and sometimes it is difficult to breath. Some of us experience anxiety, panic attacks and sleepless nights as we wrestle with our thoughts. This process is known as attachment, we are attached to our own point of view, our wanting to be right above all else. Remember that saying, would you rather be right or happy that is what you need to ask yourself. Mindfulness assists with this by encouraging us to inquire or investigate go deeper within and question our thoughts. We need to be asking ourselves is this true, and how do I know this is true? Remember to be true the thought has to be absolutely true and there are no absolutes in this world. Just because you believe it is true does not make it true for the other person. Remember we all have a different frame of perception and we believe our perceptions should apply to everyone else. However, this would be impossible because we all come from different places and different family situations. Therefore, it would be ridiculous to think that someone else would have the same viewpoint as “I” have. In fact, it would be absurd to assume that one frame fits every picture. Moreover, if you want the picture to fit the frame you must change the frame. In other words, change your beliefs, frame of reference, thoughts and or stories.

When we are stuck in our stories there is no peace, contentment or happiness to be found. Our minds become active minefields. Did you know that we can literally convince ourselves of anything just by overthinking it and believing our own stories? Why in the world would we do such a thing to ourselves? Because we want to be right about what we believe, and we want others to be wrong. Let’s look at a few examples: 1.) A woman believes she is unworthy of love and she chooses a partner that validates that unworthiness a narcissist. Like all narcissists they are about their own needs and supplying those needs through their love objects. Usually, their partners who are also injured, needy and have a limited supply to give back. Therefore, the narcissist will search outside of the relationship to get their needs met. This betrayal in the relationship confirms the woman’s unworthiness and she in turn becomes angry with him because he has chosen someone else to give his love to. She believes she is more worthy of his love than the other woman and she demands that he give her this love and leave the other woman. She protests, undermines him, attacks him and is jealous of the other woman’s qualities of beauty, intelligence and success. All of this keeps her stuck in the web of deceit in her own suffering mind. She is unable to let go of her anger towards herself or her partner. She believes he should be faithful only unto her and believes she knows what is in his best interest according to morals, ethics and religion. However, could she really know, she would have to be omniscient? There isn’t a being alive that is omniscient this is a God quality. There is no human out there that has the answers about what is in the best interest of someone else. It is her business who she sleeps with and it is his business who he sleeps with. When she believes her partner should only sleep with her, she becomes enraged with him. Her rage towards him shields her heart from love and furthers her pain, suffering and depression. No matter how much we protest we can never change anyone else’s mind. The only mind we can change is our own. The above story is a common one that I have heard repeatedly over the years. These types of stories also appear in our lineages and they are passed down just like other mind addictions from generation to generation. It is not unusual for me to be working with a man or a woman that ends up marrying someone that is unfaithful just like one of their parents, because the shame and guilt of betrayal is in the lineage. 2.) A woman that carries a belief from childhood that she is not good enough or worthy of love, because she felt so unloved by her parents. The script she continues to play out over and over again has to do with food.  She cannot conquer her food addiction to sweets no matter what she does she just continues to eat them. She uses food as a substitute for love and it soothes her temporarily and then she feels guilt and shame and does it all over again. Furthermore, she has convinced herself that she is unattractive, fat and that no man would want her. Yet there is no evidence that she is unattractive or fat. Result for her she is miserable, lonely, unhappy and depressed. 3.) A man that believes he is not good enough, a belief he has carried forward from childhood struggles with depression year after year. He is unable to fully function because he believes in only perfection and if anything in his life falls short of perfect, he is thrown off course. Even though his life is full, he has been successful in his career, is happily married and has successful adult children he constantly finds issues in his life that do not go the way he wants. He is able to recognize at times that his life is full, but he is so stuck in the past that anything that triggers him in his present life pulls him into the depths of depression unable to stop the thoughts that bind him. Result unhappy and depressed.

Above are just a few examples of how we get stuck in our thoughts/stories. It is up to each of us to be aware of where we are triggered and how we express these triggers in judgments of others. We need to keep in mind that when we judge someone one finger points forward and three fingers are pointing back at us. It is necessary to pay attention to our judgements of others because the responsibility ultimately rests on each and every one of us to heal our own minds and love ourselves. We cannot accept love from someone else if we do not love ourselves first. Always blaming someone else for how we feel keeps us in the victim role and creates a hopeless scenario for us. Hopelessness is the agar that perpetuates depression. When we learn to take responsibility for our own thoughts and stories and look at where they truly originated, we are no longer the hopeless victim stuck in the past. Going forward we learn to live our lives without getting stuck in our attachments and stories. We may not be victorious all of the time but the more we practice mindfulness the better we get at catching the hook before we bite the bait. Mindfulness helps us to manage our thoughts in a peaceful way that generates more happiness. After all isn’t this what we all want to be happy not right!   

According to A Course In Miracles, we are already Love there is no action necessary because God put love in each of us, all we have to do is accept who we really are…A Child of God. In order to go to this place, we need to be able to remove the obstacles to our peace. This means all of the senseless mind chatter that takes up space in our minds. The Course states, “We go together, you and I.” In 2021 let’s make space for Love and Peace in all minds. Let’s all make a commitment to be mindful and mediate in the New Year.  May all being have a peaceful, safe, and happy 2021.

 METTA PRAYER

May all beings be peaceful.

May all being be happy.

May all being be safe.

May all beings awaken to the light of their true nature.

May all being be free.