This is a continuation of the last blog.

The most important part of health and wellness is the place where your mind dwells, yet it is the most difficult part to reach. Did you know that 95% of illnesses emanate form our minds? In this blog we will be exploring the skills that assist us in accessing the inner recesses of our minds.

A Course In Miracles (ACIM) would say the world is a projection of our mind. Therefore, the picture we see outside of ourselves is nothing more than our internal experience. What’s more the source of those beliefs are embedded in our unconscious mind and we remain for the most part unaware of this. The ability to look inward is almost impossible without training our minds. We simply do not have access to those hidden beliefs unless we utilize concentrated effort to cultivate this skill. This week I was listening to a podcast called “The Hidden Brain” by Shankar Vedantam, he interviewed a psychologist Emily Pronin from Stanford and she stated, “eyes don’t’ look inward they look outward.”  In other words, as I have stated in many of my blogs the world is a picture of our own internal condition and therefore, we all see the world different. We may think it’s obvious, “how could so and so not see the same thing I am seeing?”  However, the truth of the matter is that we cannot possibly see things the same way someone else sees it because our experiences do not match. This is why judgments are so insidious. We cannot assume that we know more or better than anyone else knows when we do not even know ourselves. What appears as an objective conclusion is merely a subjective conclusion in disguise, because there is always a bias. Fundamentally our senses lie because they are a part of the physical world. What we see is colored by what we want to see or what we are able to allow in based on our previous experiences and fears. When we give an immediate automatic response to something it is probably untrue because senses lie. This is precisely where mindfulness comes in. As humans we are unable to learn this in any other way but to examine the unconscious mind.  Judgments and biases are rooted in our unconscious mind based on our previous experiences and memories. We therefore have no access to the unconscious mind unless we take the time to be still and have a willingness to observe and listen to all the mind chatter that keeps us preoccupied in the past. The mind chatter keeps us away from the quiet source in our mind which allows us to go deeper. Simply put we need to understand the way the unconscious works in order to understand where our judgments and biases come from.

THE SKILLS NECESSARY TO ACHIEVE THE GOAL OF MINDFULNESS AND CHANGE

This by no means an all-inclusive list of ways to increase our mindfulness. I will be sharing ones that I have found helpful on my journey and in my practice. Again, those of you who read this blog and spend time with me know that there are skills that we can integrate into our lives to assist us with observing our minds and questioning our old beliefs as well as integrating new ones.

The first skill that I will share is the importance of breathing. Breath-work is what I call our first line of defense. Breathing is with us all the time therefore it is portable and easily accessible. Breathing is an integral life force. The first thing they teach us in yoga training is how to use the breath to focus and stay calm throughout our poses to maintain balance and equanimity. There are many different breathing techniques. The one I utilize the most is called Ujjayi breathing. When I teach this, I often compare Ujjayi breathing to listening to the ocean’s waves. I find this breath-work very soothing and calming to my mind. There are many benefits to this breathing technique, such as increased oxygenation of the blood, tension relief, blood pressure regulation, increased energy, and increased awareness in the moment which is a meditative quality. Ujjayi breathing is a pharyngeal type of breath work it is done with your mouth closed and placing your tongue on the roof of your mouth. You’re breathing in and out through your nose, constricting the muscles in the back of your throat which resembles the sounds of the ocean’s waves. Breathing in this fashion is very helpful when one is stressed out, nervous or agitated. You will find that Ujjayi breathing is very helpful in soothing and calming the nervous system.

The second skill which goes along with the breath-work is Mindfulness. Mindfulness is the English translation of the ancient Pali word, sati, which means awareness, attention and remembering. Pali is the ancient text that the teachings of the Buddha were recorded in. Through mindfulness we are actively encouraged to work with our state of mind in order to cultivate peacefulness through whatever happens. Through mindfulness we are ultimately working on the habits of the mind that keep us stuck and result in unhappiness. Our unhappiness takes many forms such as anger, jealousy, greed or behaviors that harm self or others. One of the most important components of this work is learning how to be kind, to self through self-acceptance, self-understanding and self-compassion. The approach first requires us to develop a kindness towards self in an atmosphere of non-judgment which fosters acceptance and compassion. According to the research, mindfulness consists of the following components, “(1) Awareness, (2) Of present experience, (3) with acceptance (Germer, Siegel, & Fulton, 2005).”

Mindfulness is not something that is cultivated overnight. Mindfulness is a practice, and it requires us to notice the frequency in which we are mindless. Yes, that is what I said, notice the frequency of your mindless chatter. What you will notice is that our most natural mind state is typically mindless. Incredible isn’t it to hear that most of our time is spent in our minds focusing on fantasies of the future, and memories of the past that may or may not be true. What’s more, most of this is done on autopilot where our minds are in one place and our bodies are somewhere else. The good news is that we can all cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness is developed through deliberate mental practices. Mindfulness practices all involve some form of meditation. Whenever, I mention the word meditation the first thing I hear from a patient is, “Oh no I can’t do that. Sit there quiet, forget it. My mind never stops!” This is the biggest misconception about meditation, sitting there cross-legged chanting OM and in a fog of bliss.

However, this is not the goal of mindfulness practice, rather it is to become aware of what the mind is doing at all times. The goal is to be more consciously aware of our thoughts as well as our emotions. This awareness helps us to give up our defenses and habitual ways that we have learned to distract ourselves when we become uncomfortable. The goal of meditation is not to seek bliss but to allow all states of mind to be present, the negative and the positive.  Meditation teaches us not to cling to either state of mind. I think the most amazing part of mindfulness practice is increasing our capacity to bear the pain of our human existence. There is beauty in this practice, and it comes from what Pema Chodren calls welcoming the unwelcome visitors in our minds. I other words all thoughts are accepted. It is important to make friends with all thoughts.

The importance of journaling. Journaling is part of our practice that assists us in recognizing our thoughts and emotions instead of unconsciously dismissing them as unimportant. Writing helps us to take the automatic thoughts that we have regularly and organize them in a way that assists us in making sense of our own experiences. Remember as we discussed above, we mostly live a mindless life and if we want to give life meaning we need to slow it down by being mindful of our thoughts and emotions. There is no better way to get in touch with our thoughts then writing it down. When we resist writing down our thoughts and emotions it is easy for us to dismiss them as unimportant and irrelevant to our experience. I would contend the opposite that our thoughts and emotions are extremely important to finding meaning and peace in our lives. In our journals we can write about the good, the bad and the neutral events that occur, nothing is off limits. Along with this it is important to recognize those events in our lives that bring up thankfulness known as gratitude. Which leads to the next step, gratitude.

The importance of a gratitude practice. According to Dr. Robert A. Emmons the leading researcher on gratitude, there are two stages. The first stage is acknowledging goodness in one’s life. In other words what we have received from someone. The second stage of gratitude is recognizing that the source of this goodness is outside of self. Therefore, gratitude is other directed, such as other people, animals, nature, and God but not to self. “Gratitude is more than a feeling. It requires us to recognize (a) we are the beneficiaries of someone’s kindness, (b) that the benefactor has intentionally provided a benefit, often incurring some personal cost, and (c) that the benefit has value in the eyes of the beneficiary.”  (Robert A. Emmons, 2007)   Dr. Emmons, evidence-based research demonstrates that gratitude matters and improves our lives as a whole. In fact, those who keep a gratitude journal on a regular basis as well as exercise on a regular basis report better health and generally feel better about their lives. In fact, if I apply that to my own life, I will agree that it increases my positive emotions and decreases negativity. Moreover, my gratitude practice has given me more ability to cope with everyday stressors as well as increased resilience to face the most difficult and traumatic incidences of my life. I would also make a case that it has brought me closer to God.

Thoughts are not facts is an abbreviated mindfulness technique taken from “The Work” by Byron Katie. I have found her work to be extremely helpful in addressing the stories that we tell ourselves on a daily basis. Learning how to put space between our thoughts and our reaction to our thoughts is a very important part of addressing the places we get stuck in our negative ruminating thoughts. In short what she has encouraged us to do is to ask ourselves the following four questions:

1. Is it true? Of course, our initial response is “well of course it is true I’m thinking it.” But this actually requires us to consider that there may be another answer to this question than the automatic response.                 
2. Can I absolutely know it is true?  There are of course no absolutes in this world there will never be a thought that is 100% accurate. This is where she encourages us to look at this a different way.
3. How does this thought make me feel? Or How do I react when I think that thought? This is where we look at the stories that we tell ourselves and hold onto habitually. We are also asked to look at our feelings and name them.
4. Who would I be without that thought and or what would my life be like if I didn’t hold onto this belief? This is what she calls the turnaround we are asked to find three genuine examples of where this is true in our lives. There are actually benefits to imagining that there are unlimited possibilities that could occur in our life experiences in all areas personal, relational, academic and business.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of those methods that anyone can learn to identify common cognitive distortions and change habitual patterns of thinking. CBT can be thought of as assisting you in learning to process and train the mind that is usually on autopilot. CBT helps us to become better at critical thinking which improves our mental health. There are some common cognitive distortions that most people use but the most common is emotional reasoning. (again, this is not an all-inclusive list)                      

• Emotional reasoning: is when you allow your feelings to guide your interpretation of reality. Such as I feel depressed…therefore I need to go to the cupboard and eat some cookies or I have to take a drink or take a drug to feel better.
• Catastrophizing: This is when we focus on the worst possible outcome and believing that it is most likely to happen. Such as, “If I fail this class, I will fail every class and I will not graduate from college.
• Overgeneralization: Perceiving a global pattern of negatives on the basis of a single incident. “This always seems to happen to me. I seem to fail at a lot of things.”
• Black and White thinking/All or nothing thinking/dichotomous thinking/binary thinking:  This happens when we view events or people in all or nothing terms. Such as, “my mother rejected me so I wouldn’t everyone else reject me.”
• Mind Reading: This happens when we assume that we know what other people are thinking without having sufficient evidence of their thoughts. Such as, “she doesn’t like me because she thinks I’m stupid.”
• Labeling: This is when we assign a global negative trait to ourselves or others. This distortion often happens in the service of black and white thinking. Such as,

“I’m undesirable, I am not good enough why would anyone want to date me. I am a rotten person and deserve nothing good.”

• Discounting positives: This is when we judge that the positive things that we do, or others do are trivial. This is done to maintain a negative judgment of self. “She’s only saying that I am nice because she is my friend, and she wants me to feel better. So that does not count. That class was easy that’s why I got an “A” so that does not count.”
• Blaming:  Focusing on the other person as the source of your negative feelings. We refuse to take responsibility for changing ourselves. Such as, “She’s to blame for the way I feel now. My parents caused all of my problems.”
• Negative Filtering:  This is when you focus almost exclusively on the negatives and seldom notice the positives. Such as, “Look at all of the people who don’t like me.”

Psychologists are aware that everyone engages in the above distortions from time to time and that CBT is very useful for all of us to use periodically. Generally speaking, all relationships would all be better served if we spent less time blaming, shaming, black/white thinking and recognized that we usually share in the responsibility for all conflicts. Remember an argument or conflict is never the complete responsibility of one person it takes two people to dance the tango.

Goal setting is very important and one of my favorites. If we want to track our progress and identify where we want to go in life, there need to be steps to get there. No one really likes to set goals, but it is a great way to demonstrate to ourselves that we can do it. Typically, people who suffer from anxiety and depression are not very good at setting goals. The reason for this is their problems limit their life experience. When working on goals it is helpful to imagine a life without limiting beliefs. When setting goals, it is important to make the goals SMART which is an acronym for, specific, manageable, attainable, realistic and time limited. I had a lot of resistance to this back in the day but now I realize the importance of goals in attaining and tracking my progress.

Exercise of your choice this is a personal decision. I was once a committed runner. There was nothing better than clearing my mind than going out for a long run. Now I walk, bike and participate in online bar classes. However, my favorite is my daily yoga practice. There is nothing more beneficial than yoga for connecting with the mind/body experience to ready ourselves for meditation. Again, choice of exercise is very personal so whatever you choose it has to be something that you will continue to utilize, commit to and practice.

Nourishment of your choice. Along with remaining fully hydrated nourishing your body with healthy choices is a very important part of the mind, body spirit connection. 

There are many other ways that we can assist ourselves on this journey to becoming more mindful and improving our life experiences on a daily basis. However, in the end it is all up to each and every one of us to make a decision about when or if we want to take that first step or not. No one can do this work for us and it does take commitment and practice. Why, “because it always begins and ends with you.”