Fear is based on a lack of knowledge and understanding. If fear is going to be addressed differently it requires a willingness to question our thoughts and set aside our preconceptions, beliefs and assumptions. That means humanity has to change their mind as a whole. According to A Course in Miracles all healing is a release from fear. The Course also states that we cannot understand this unless we let go of our fear. Fear can only be undertaken if we invite it in, running away merely intensifies it. When we invite the fear in, we can become more aware of what triggers it and we can interact with it intimately. We are all afraid of the things in our lives that we cannot control. Control is a very big issue in our lives because we fear uncertainty and doubt.  Fear is our automatic response to non-control. However, the more we try to control the more life becomes unmanageable and scary. The more fearful our response is the tighter we want to hang on. This sounds like a never-ending cycle doesn’t it? The opposite side of this is just as frightening, we could just ignore it and pretend it’s not there while the thoughts continue to whirl around in our heads until we are in the oblivion of exhaustion, sadness and maybe even malaise. Let’s face it no one wants to feel powerless yet that is what we are feeling. The powerlessness of wanting to control or repress what we cannot control. But wait there is something that we can do we can be kind, patient, and present to our experiences. We can look deeply into our fears and once we do this fear will no longer control us. Being in the present moment is what we call mindfulness and that is what this is all about. Mindfulness is the answer to the darkness that scares us because it is the only way for us to go deeper into the moment and recognize that our fears are based on shadows, they are not solid. Only when we can be aware of our interconnectedness can we recognize the truth about our connections to everyone and everything and realize that nothing is ever lost.

Okay let’s break this down, first fear always keeps us focused on the past or the future. However, if we are mindfully in the here and now then “I’m okay”. So, all we have to do is to learn how to look at fear with acceptance, invite the fear in, make friends with the fear and don’t judge it. With our gentle acceptance and loving embrace, we can all look deeper into the source of our fears. This is all a part of the letting go process.

In previous blogs I have discussed that fear is in our lineage it is in our cells, this is how deep these concepts are embedded inside of us. This fear has been transmitted to us by our family lineage our interconnectedness to each other. Furthermore, this is what makes things more difficult to resolve. Buddhism would contend that this is Karma. Thich Nhat Hanh discusses its beginnings in utero during our dependency on our mothers. According to Thay when we are born, we arrive into an environment that is foreign to us and cold and for the first time in our life we know what it is like to be separate, cold and hungry. There is no cozy protected environment anymore. This is what he refers to as the first time we felt fear. When in utero we did not have to use our lungs, or search for food we were cozy and comfortable. While in utero everything is taken care of for us but the minute the birth process began, we were forced out of our comfort and into a place where we had to breath on our own and there is where our suffering began. We are born with fear and a desire to survive. Moreover, every desire in our life has its roots in this original experience of the fundamental desire to survive. All suffering is fundamentally from desire. As adults we are mostly unaware of the original fear of the child within and are therefore afraid to touch it. Some of us fear being alone and therefore desire to have a partner there to care for us and comfort us. This too is part of the original fear from our birth. When that partner is not there to care for us when we sense abandonment this touches that original fear of being at one with our mothers in a safe warm environment. If we are one of those people who have to be around other beings in order to feel okay, then you are possibly afraid of being alone that too is from the original fear. This can also be applied to not feeling comfortable because you fear what others may think of you this is also from our original fear.  This is why it is so important to look deeply into the origins of our fear and desires, it is the key to our behaviors. Every current fear and desire have a connection back to our original fear. This is why it is important to accept and embrace all of our parts. These parts live inside our mind, body and spirit. There will only be resolution when we can reconcile it all and open our heart to the miracle which the Course refers to as forgiveness.

As I discuss in therapy with my clients there is always the wounded child within each of us that is waiting to be heard, accepted, loved and understood. I have clients that are depressed and anxious even though their current life situations look alright. They simply do not understand where all of their pain and suffering comes from. When I suggest that there is something in their past that they may not be aware of they are resistant to entertain the idea. This is, however, why most of us dwell on the past even though we are unaware of just how far back it goes. Furthermore, this is why the past provides comfort but also holds a great deal of suffering. Sometimes I will suggest that deep within there is a running film of past suffering that continues to play a non-stop loop in the here and now. Unconsciously we run those loops in our waking hours and sleeping hours. This is why it is so important to stop the film and change the feed. If we always go back to the same looping film with the same old story the same projection of fear and desire from the past will be running.

We have to be willing to change the movie that we are playing over and over again. Our memories result in fear and suffering emotionally and physically in the here and now even though they are in the past. Unless we are willing to be mindful and look at those memories in the moment and recognize that this is not happening now, we will continue to suffer. This is what is known as a habit we continue to play the same old story even though the story is not relevant in the here and now. When we are present in the moment and mindful of this, we can gently remind ourselves that we have another choice we can change the story without judgement with kindness and compassion. This process always begins with the self if we cannot accept and love ourselves than we cannot truly accept and love others.  

Likewise, the same action is required when triggered by the future. We can learn to contemplate and prepare for the future without fear. This too is one of those all or nothing situations either we make no plans due to fear or we are overly consumed by the details of planning and we cannot seem to get it accomplished. This is also motivated by uncertainty and doubt. Again, this is why the here and now is the only place to be because in the here and now there is no future and there is no past it is just the now and we are okay.

According to Buddhism the only way to release our fears is to work with the five remembrances.

The Buddha recommends that we recite the “Five Remembrances” They are as follows:

1. I am of the nature to grow old. I cannot escape growing old.
2. I am of the nature to have ill health. I cannot escape having ill health.
3. I am of the nature to die. I cannot escape death.
4. All that is dear to me, and everyone I love, are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.
5. I inherit the results of my acts of body, speech and mind. My actions are my continuation.

By breathing in mindfully and looking at each one of the remembrances we can become aware of each one and gently engage with our fear in a more knowledgeable and confident way.

Whether we want to admit it or not the cycle continues till we truly look at our fear, touch it, feel it know it.  With this knowing we can begin to become familiar with our habitual ways. The habit formations that we use to deal with life’s complexities. Once we accept all parts of self our fears will diminish not vanish. All the five remembrances above strike fear in our hearts. They are undeniably present for all of us and unless we take the time to work with each of them, we will continue to suffer. We all may wish for things to change in the world we live in but unfortunately change is something that emanates from within each of us. We may all want healing in the world, I know I do.  Things in the world will only improve when we are willing to take a deeper look inside ourselves. Right now, the world is in a lot of pain from the pandemic and from systemic racism. However, we cannot just eliminate what we do not like or want in the world without changing our minds. No matter how many statues we tear down, buildings we burn, monuments we deface and books we burn we cannot rewrite the history of life. The history of who we are burns inside of each and every one of us and it is our responsibility to change that. Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us of his moments with Martin Luther King Jr. and his memories of Mahatma Gandhi, “they can burn down a village, they can kill a person. But destroying someone doesn’t reduce that person to nothing.” They killed Mahatma Gandhi, they imprisoned Nelson Mandela and they killed Martin Luther King Jr. but the suffering continues in the world. Why because the root of suffering is in each and every one of our minds and till, we all decide that we are willing to change this within the suffering will continue.

I will leave you all with this as I think his words are beautiful. Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” In other words, although life changes are inevitable, we can also initiate personal change so we can rise to the challenge and become a bigger and better person as a result.”

To be continued this is a series I will be writing on the relationship between fear, hatred and violence in our world.