What I am noticing today is a world mostly concerned with saying what’s on their minds without a filter. More than ever before I am seeing people all over the internet speaking their minds to other people in the unkindest inconsiderate way. Is this what we call in the United States freedom of speech? I thought freedom of speech was something political, yet I am seeing this in all manner of relationships. I think humanity has lost their way and we need a way to right this.

The First Amendment of the Constitution States:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

According to Cornell Law School the “First Amendment guarantees freedoms concerning religion, expression, assembly and the right to petition. It forbids Congress from both promoting one religion over others and also restricting an individual’s religious practices. It guarantees freedom of expression by prohibiting Congress from restricting the press or the rights of individuals to speak freely. It also guarantees the right of citizens to assemble peaceably and to petition their government.” Does this even resemble what we are seeing in the here and now? I will speak to my own eyes and this is not what I see or hear however, I am neither an expert on this nor a promoter of violence whether it is protesting through actions or speech. That being said I am choosing not to address The First Amendment any further in this blog first because politics is not my area of expertise nor is it my favorite area to get involved in, I was merely using the First Amendment as a platform. I will instead be addressing the way human beings talk to each other in all manner of relationships.

THE BUDDHIST WAY: ETHICAL CONDUCT

That being said what I will be addressing is the ethical conduct known as The Noble Eightfold Path from Buddhism which includes but is not limited to, RIGHT SPEECH, RIGHT VIEW and RIGHT ACTION. This ethical conduct is based on love, and compassion. I will only be discussing Right Speech in today’s blog.

RIGHT SPEECH

Right Speech entails self-restraint from lies, backbiting and slander and any conversation that brings about hatred, enmity, disunity and disharmony towards individuals or groups of people. This includes rudeness, impoliteness, or any malicious abusive language as well as gossip. By not participating in this type of wrong or harmful speech a person would naturally speak only the truth through non-harmful words that are considered friendly, compassionate, humane, gentle, meaningful and useful. “If one cannot say something useful, one should keep “noble silence.” Noble Silence means we don’t have to talk but rather we check in with our inner wise mind the calm part of self before we speak or not. According to Buddhist thought Right Speech is based on Right Thinking, because speech is the way we express our thoughts. Thoughts can be loving and non-violent which are a part of wisdom or they can be selfish, desiring, ill-willed, hateful and violent as a result of a lack wisdom in all areas of life whether it is intimate between two people, social or political.

Thich Nhat Hanh states so beautifully in his book Silence, “In order to practice right speech, we need to first take the time to look deeply into ourselves and into whoever is in front of us so that our words will be able to create a mutual understanding and relieve the suffering on both sides.”

When someone is speaking, are they talking to hear themselves talk or is the person talking to convey something to the listener that is correct and if it is the later are, we taking the time to be mindful and bring more clarity and understanding? Will the words bring healing or pain? In conversations we need to be focusing on listening and connection with the other not just a volleying back and forth with no kindness and understanding. When someone asks a question, the kindest thing to do is to take a deep breath, pause and truly take in that question instead of just blurting out an already prepared response from a space in your mind that you have already predetermined and judged. This type of communication is not helpful, kind or compassionate.

In my practice I hear these types of communications all day long from client’s interactions with parents, children, colleagues, friendships, and spouses. Does a friend, colleague, partner, wife, husband, stranger in a restaurant or on the street have the right to extoll their political or personal point of view towards anyone via bullying? In my opinion, the answer is no, and I think research would agree with me. The definition of humanity states that there are characteristics uniquely belonging to human beings, such as kindness, mercy and sympathy yet is this what we are seeing in the world today? I would think not! A supposed example of humanity is treating someone with kindness this would overlap with Buddhist philosophy, right? Where is it today? Why are we not seeing it in our relationships, our businesses, news reporting, or in any of the places that people interact with each other such as a park, a restaurant, a grocery store or simply walking on the street in your neighborhood? Where is our humanity? Where is kindness and consideration of others?

In Buddhist teachings there is a book that is referred to as The Way of The Bodhisattva. In these teachings one is taught the way of gentle and loving speech as well as compassionate listening. Anyone of us can take up these teachings all it takes is commitment and diligence. This practice can be integrated into your mindful meditation daily practice. The guidelines for these teachings are as follows:

1. Be truthful don’t lie or bend the truth.
2. Don’t exaggerate.
3. Be steady with your speech. Don’t try to confuse someone or tell one person one thing and another something else for manipulative reasons.
4. Use peaceful language. Do not use derogatory, violent words, cruelty or verbal abuse, or disparaging condemning words.

First telling the truth does not mean that gives you cart blanch to harm someone with your words because the truth is what the person needs to hear. Such as, “I am only telling you the truth about who you are because you need to know for your own good.” This is a violent and attacking way to tell the truth and it is not helpful at all to the other person’s well-being and results in more suffering. Our language should not be shaming, guilting or condemning to another being. Remember what you believe your truth is may not be factual as it is a projection from your own mind. When a thought is a perception in your own mind it is clouded and blocked by your own emotions.

Truth is always a place to start to build a solid foundation in any relationship and if it is not built on truth one day the foundation will crumble and fall apart. This often happens in relationships where there are infidelities. Whoever is having the infidelity lies about it and eventually the truth surfaces. There is a lot of pain and suffering as a result of this untruth. In the infidelity the one who is unfaithful believes he or she has found the perfect mate in contrast to the one he or she is running away.  However, this relationship is built on a lies and guilt. The foundation of this newfound relationship is not solid, and the relationship will most likely fall apart in time. I have seen this happen numerous times in my practice. This is however, just one example of non-truth that degrades a relationship. This happens in all kinds of relationships in all different ways. The key to truthfulness is to be mindful and skillful with the words you use to convey to the other person. Sometimes this too can result in pain but the good news about pain is that we can heal. Nothing ever lasts forever, and this too shall pass.

Secondly, don’t exaggerate, this means do not embellish the story and make it more dramatic. For instance, don’t make a story more tragic to justify your own anger. Exaggeration of a story can paint the story in a destructive light. Although exaggeration may seem harmless it actually erodes the trust in the relationship.

Thirdly, be consistent with your words when used incorrectly it is known as forked tongue. Which translates to mean someone who deliberately says one thing and means another or to be hypocritical or act in a duplicitous manner. This results in division between people or a group where there is no true basis for one. According to Thich Nhat Hanh “Right Speech requires being true to your word and not changing the content for your own advantage or to portray yourself in a better light.”

Fourthly the use of peaceful language in Right Speech expects us to refrain from speech that uses derogatory, violent words, of cruelty or verbal abuse, or disparaging and condemning in any nature.

In closing it is each of our responsibilities to ourselves and to those we are in relationship with and all that touch our lives near or far to be mindful of what we disseminate to each other or on the web. We do not want to be spreading news that is untrue or we are not certain of and really in this ever-changing world we live in what can we ever be certain of. I would think that we would all want to be mindful of criticizing or condemning others that we may perceive as different. We are all different on the outside but on the inside the part that really counts we are all the same we belong to humanity. We need to refrain from words that result in more division or discord. It is also important to be mindful of your community and family by supporting each other in these difficult times instead of looking to magnify and find fault in everything you see which results in more damage, more polarity and more division among us. Let’s remember that our words are very powerful, and they cut very deep when used in a way that is harmful and damaging to others. As a people why don’t we want to be more mindful, kind, compassionate and loving to all beings so that we may all live in peace together.

Let us not forget these words of wisdom:

“WORDS AND THOUGHTS CAN KILL. WE CANNOT SUPPORT ACTS OF KILLING IN OUR THINKING OR IN OUR SPEECH.”  WORDS TRAVEL THE UNIVERSE THEY HAVE ENERGY AND TRAJECTORY.

May our words create mutual understanding and love in a world that is clearly troubled.

Peace to all beings.