What do you think of the following assumptive statement?   “How you do something in life is how you do everything?”  Human beings seem to have unconscious habitual ways of approaching life. Because this is an unconscious process, we don’t question our thoughts or actions.  We habitually accept our thoughts and actions as the norm, even when the results are painful.

We persistently engage in activities that result in pain and suffering? Because we are all looking for certainty and stability. Furthermore, when we don’t have the answers to life’s uncertainties, we search for ways to resolve them on our own. Usually this is done through self-talk. You know that little annoying voice in our heads the storyteller. Unfortunately, the answers to life’s uncertainties cannot be obtained through our stories. Why? Because the minute we think we have the answer we also begin to question the response and look for other possibilities. We live in is in a world that is in constant flux, whether we are aware of it or not. Time does not stand still and nothing in this world lasts forever. When we make up stories, we are trying with all our might to believe that this is the answer to our problem. But is it or am I denying what’s really happening? Denial according to Freud is very strong in humans. The fact is that we would rather deny the reality of change then accept the way things are in life. For humans this happens in both our physical and emotional world. Humans are addicted to their habitual ways of approaching life even when someone points out to us there may be a better way. We simply don’t like to change it brings up a lot of anxiety. In the process of resisting change, we cause ourselves a lot of physical pain and mental suffering. Non-acceptance of change can bring with it sadness and anxiety over the natural progression of aging. These feelings could progressively work their way to hopelessness and depression.

I am suggesting that a neutral perception of change would be kinder.  Are you familiar with the saying, pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral? Neutral is the middle road to approaching difficult situations.  Most of us are not looking for neutral, or ordinary we are looking for pleasant and unchanging life circumstances. Close your eyes and think back to earlier times in your life, are you the same person physically or mentally that you were back when you were 10, 20, or 30 years old, I know I’m not. Wouldn’t it be easier to accept that we do not remain the same instead of incessantly trying to prove to ourselves that we haven’t changed. Change is part of our life experience, no matter what, life does not stand still. We may never reach that goal we want, or career we hoped for, or the perfect spouse or perfect family or fame. On the other hand, sometimes some of us have reached our goals only to dismiss them as not good enough or deny that we reached our goal. The sheer act of denial has us immediately searching for more. Here is a thought we are all too familiar with, “if I just get this or that then I will be happy!” This search for more and denial of our accomplishments no matter how large or small, is known as addiction.

There is a basic level of denial in humanity a resistance to life as it is. We are all looking for that solid ground, the life guaranteed with all the bells and whistles attached. This may well be unattainable if what we are reaching for continues to change as we go or doesn’t even get recognized as a good enough accomplishment.

Let’s look at the ways in which the world in the here and now is not standing still, we have several ongoing wars in the world, political unrest in the states, worldwide climate change, hurricanes, broken supply chains, high housing costs and inflation on the rise. For instance, a $4 box of cereal is now almost $8 dollars and when I was young it was probably less than a dollar. Here is a reality check when I was a teen a MacDonalds cheeseburger was 15 cents now $1.69. A movie theater ticket 35 cents now $12.00 (Chicago price at the same theater). The price of a gallon of gas in 1966 was 32 cents the equivalent of that in the here and now would be $2.81 but the cost today in Chicago is $4.47.

I am sure you can see from the above that nothing in this world has remained the same and why would we expect it to. Everything in the world changes, trees, plants, insects, animals, water, climate, and of course us. Absolutely nothing here is changeless. Our resistance to change is at the core of our suffering. The only way out of this is acceptance of what is whether it is our bodies, our minds, or the world at large. Change must be embraced as part of our life experience and our history. We cannot change the history of the world or of our lives. When we can befriend our changes, our talking heads/anxieties will silence to a hum. Now wouldn’t that be better than listening to that incessant mind chatter of the monkey mind?

Look at life’s changes and challenges as transitions and opportunities for growth in life. As I stated earlier, how we do something is how we do everything. How we live our lives today and tomorrow will cast a shadow on how we let go of life as we know it in the end. Nothing frightens us more than the process of death and dying for us and those we love. Better to look at life’s changes as exercises that strengthen us for our last journey.

All the obstacles that adorn our paths are the jewels of wisdom we can utilize to bring peace to our life here on earth. There is a saying I have used over the years, and it seems to work for me, “when life gives you lemons you make lemonade.” I’ve always had that pull myself up and dust myself off attitude because somehow, I knew that this too shall pass. I have had many challenges in my life some of the biggest ones were cancer at age 40, loss of my marriage that same year, the loss of my spiritual brother and mentor Kenneth Wapnick in 2013 and the loss of my 30-year-old son in 2018. These were a few of the opportunities in my life that gave me pause to practice acceptance with grace and equanimity. Now I take the opportunity every day to review my beginnings and endings. Before I close my eyes at night, I take an inventory of my daily experiences if I didn’t do my best, I make a note of that and if I have an opportunity tomorrow, I can do better.  I also remind myself how grateful I am to have had the past 24 hours to spend with the people I love because I never know what tomorrow may bring. I want to make sure that the people and pets in my life know that they are loved and cherished. I also repeat nightly The Five Remembrances stated by the Buddha and adapted in this form by Thich Nhat Hanh:

1. I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.
2. I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape ill health.
3. I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.
4. All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.
5. My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.

Upon awakening in the morning, I recite the following passage from Thich Nhat Hanh:

Waking up I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours before me. I vow to live them fully and to see all being through the eyes of compassion.

These are the things that work for me in the here and now. I suggest that you find what works for you and make it a part of your daily practice. After all we can never practice too much.