All week I have been thinking about what to write about and really nothing was coming to me. Then I heard this, “The goal of practice is to become truly human.” Anyone out there have any ideas about what that means? I had to really give that some serious consideration given the state of the world today. Of course, in the clinical sense I know this is referring to self-compassion learning to embrace ourselves just as we are as discussed in my last blog. There is nothing wrong with us so there is nothing to fix we merely need to embrace our imperfections with loving kindness. But what does this have to do with becoming truly human?

Loving kindness towards self is something that everyone needs to strive for if we are to become more self-aware. It is a beautiful thing when we can look at all of our imperfections and accept who we are. Seeing ourselves with clarity assists us in seeing others with more clarity also. What would this entail to be able to look at ourselves with clarity? We would be able to see when we get hooked by our stories, our habitual ways of thinking and we may even be less likely to use our stories against ourselves. You know the way we take our stories and twist them into something that makes us feel really bad or a reason to feel discouraged or disappointed in ourselves. Instead maybe we could look at ourselves in a more balanced way we look at the positive movement forward and we look at the time we make mistakes with a different frame. For instance, whether our movement is forward or backward we want to acknowledge this movement with clarity and kindness. If we made a mistake, we look at the mistake with courage, clarity and compassion. We begin to use our experiences as an educational tool when we can stay in the present moment we can smile at our errors and give ourselves loving kindness. Pema Chodron states, that staying present and learning from these situations, can give us the joyful feeling of honest self-reflection.  This is what I referred to in my last blog as becoming your friend. When we develop a friendship with ourselves, we know and accept all parts of self without exception. This is known as unconditional friendliness.

TREAT YOURSELF LIKE A FRIEND

Self-compassion means that we are going to learn how to treat ourselves with loving kindness like we would treat a friend. This seems to be a very difficult concept for humans to understand and implement into our lives. We cannot seem to grasp what that looks like. This is so ingrained in our human condition that it is difficult to override our unkindness to self and other. If we become our own best friend instead of an enemy to ourselves what would that look like in the outside world? Maybe we would be less likely to harm others with our words and actions?  If we completely love and accept ourselves would it then follow that we could be loving towards others. I believe that one follows the other, it would make sense that if we embrace loving feelings about self that we would then project loving feelings into the world.

Willingness is one of the underpinnings of the self-acceptance process. Most of us are unwilling to look because we are so afraid of looking at our thoughts. This is why so many of us have difficulty meditating because we become overwhelmed by our monkey mind that cannot stop thinking and making up stories. However, if we were able to sit on a regular basis with our fear and recognize that thoughts are not truths but merely words, we might be able to see that there is nothing to fear. Once we are able to do this much, we can bring the light of compassion to our thoughts and accept this as a conditioned habitual pattern that results in suffering which we no longer need to hide from. The beauty of this is once we bring these thoughts to the light the light provides healing to our mind.

When we are present, in the here and now the internal voices that we hear in our head disappears. Why do the voices disappear, because we are not preoccupied with the validity of the voice? When we hear the voice that says something is wrong with you, we begin to recognize this as an untruth, it is not the voice of the Buddha within, the Christ-Self or your true heart nature. It is the voice of non-acceptance, self-condemnation and self-hatred. When you really think about it, it would be a lot easier to accept than to self-condemn. So why isn’t it widely used; because it is just too simple and easy, and no one believes that it is possible. But if you don’t ever try it and practice it how do you know?

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ACCEPT YOURSELF JUST THE WAY YOU ARE?

The simple truth is all of our illusions of who we think we are disappears into nothingness when you can accept yourself just as you are. But when you do not accept yourself when you hide it from your awareness and you lie about it to yourself then it’s intensity grows and becomes so uncomfortable that we have to distract ourselves with one of our habits to make it go away.  The distorted beliefs that we have of ourselves will only diminish when we look at them without fear. They only exist when we are not accepting ourselves, and we are condemning or hating ourselves.  Remember self-hate is then projected into the world and onto other beings. Healing self is twofold when you heal your own mind this projects into the world because we are interconnected.  

What if we were able to take the most frightening thing in the world and embrace it, welcome it in? If we were able to befriend it this would no longer frighten us. I challenge you all to look out into the world and embrace something that really frightens you. This could be the current pandemic or the violence we see daily in the world. What happens when you just sit with it and don’t make up a story about it?  When we just sit with the fear instead of advancing it with a story it begins to move like the clouds in the sky. If we want to see a responsible world, we have to take responsibility for what we contribute to that world. Do you want to contribute love or hate?

A PRACTICE TO LIVE BY LOJONG SLOGANS

As some of you know I practice what is known as Lojong Slogans they are considered teachings of awakening. They are meant to support our practice in self-compassion and are done daily. The card I chose today is Slogan 41 Two Activities: one at the beginning and one at the end. The slogan asks us each morning when we wake up, we consider and reflect on the day ahead. We set an intention to keep an open heart and mind, to create more loving kindness. If we set an intention, we are more likely to practice it. Likewise, at the end of our day we review the day’s events before we go to sleep. This practice at the end of our day is meant to support our awakening, to be able to look at our triggers honestly with compassion not using this to beat ourselves up. If you successfully engaged in the practice just once in your day that is a win and needs to be recognized and acknowledged. Likewise, if you did not fulfill your intention that is also a win because you were able to see what happened and you are no longer living in ignorance. The more we engage in loving-kindness and compassion our awareness will increase, and we will be encouraged to continue to move forward.  Isn’t that something that most of us would want to aspire to. I challenge you all to try this it is a beautiful process.

Remember compassionate self-reflection builds courage and confidence instead of guilt, shame and depression. Therefore, when we are able to acknowledge where we get stuck and when we have successes this provides us with more joy and freedom in our everyday life. When we are able to recognize life is like an infinity symbol that is in constant movement forward and backward, we can allow ourselves to make mistakes without condemnation. We are never finished with our work because there is an infinite amount of threads to weave through our lives. So, whether we are moving forward or backward we are still growing and contributing to our self-awareness. Like the saying goes, one step forward, two steps back likewise two steps forward one step back. The journey does not go in one direction it is not always going to be beautiful sometimes it is filled with turmoil and pain. It is on us to remind ourselves that this too shall pass. Life is about balance whenever you are tempted to color something as all negative know that is not true. Challenge yourself to look at it with kindness and compassion what do you have to lose?

To get back to the title of this blog, what does self-compassion have to do with a practice of becoming truly human in my opinion nothing. The practice that I am asking us all to participate in is a spiritual journey of enlightenment which takes us to the truth of who we really are not who we think we are as beings in this world. The only way home to the truth of our existence comes from being able to be kind and loving to ourselves and all beings.  This means that we need to remove the obstacles in our own mind that prevent us from going to that peaceful place which I call home.

 TELL ME ABOUT THE WAY HOME?

The way home begins at birth and ends when we draw our last breath in this lifetime

The way home is filled with joy, love, suffering and adversity

The way home can be challenging and enlightening

The way home can be a beautiful unfolding

The way home sometimes presents moments when I want to close my eyes and cover my ears to protect my heart from the agony

The way home is a journey that I choose to participate in because it brings me closer to my awakening

The way home provides me with ample opportunities to learn, integrate and transform

The way home is a journey that I take with open heart and longing to awaken from this dream and return home to the ONE.